Tone: Affectionate comic authority
Suggested performers: Teens, young adults and adults; any gender
Length: 195 words; approximately 75–105 seconds
Format: one speaker addressing a silent listener
Timing is a starting estimate, not a guaranteed audition length. Time your own delivery with pauses. This is an original standalone piece, not an extract from a published play.
The Family Photo Negotiation: full monologue
Nobody move. Especially the people who have already moved. This is one photograph, not a series of separate appointments.
Grandad, I can see your forehead and one optimistic eyebrow. Could you come forward? No, that's too far. Now it looks as though the rest of us are your backing band.
Who gave the dog a hat? Take it off. The dog is the only person here making eye contact, and I need to preserve that relationship.
We have tried standing by height. We have tried sitting by age. We briefly tried arranging you by willingness to cooperate, which left Mum alone on the sofa.
I know the food is ready. I know somebody has to get back on the road. But last year we had fourteen photographs of the potatoes and none of everyone together. The potatoes have not changed much. Some of us have.
So just squeeze in. You don't have to look elegant. You don't even have to look related. I'd like proof that we were all in the same room.
Good. Keep still while I set the timer. And when I run over, make a space. I'm part of this family too.
What is happening in this scene?
The relative holding the camera tries to negotiate one usable family photograph before everyone leaves.
You are speaking to: Your family, assembled badly in front of you while you hold the phone.
You want: Get one photograph with everybody in it, including yourself.
The change to explore: Your demand for a perfect picture gives way to a request simply to be included.
Acting choices to try
- Which relative will listen to you, and whose cooperation must you earn?
- Why does this year's photograph matter?
- How does setting the timer change your position in the group?
Choose three clear eyelines for the family rather than inventing a different spot for every relative. At the final line, stop directing the group and ask them for something you need.
These are starting points. Try a different intention or pace, and let the response you imagine from your listener affect your next thought. You do not need to copy the recorded delivery.
Rehearse this comedic monologue free in CueRoom
Open the complete piece in CueRoom. Use Practice my lines to hide the words and recall each beat, or Listen to the recording to hear the prepared reading. Prompt plays the current beat when you need help; bookmarks let you return to a difficult transition.
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Prepare it for an audition or class
Check whether the brief permits original standalone material. Learn the shifts in thought as well as the wording, then time a full take at performance pace. If you need a shorter cut, make the cut before memorizing it; the free demo always rehearses the complete text above.
Use the monologue preparation plan for a short deadline, or try the recall exercises in How to Memorize Lines.
More comedic monologues to explore
- The Tree Would Like a Word — A student playing a tree asks the director for one small change to a school production.
- The Roommate Agreement — A roommate presents a new household agreement, then discovers that their own belongings break every rule.
- The Audition Number — an existing teen comedy from the library.
Browse comedic monologues → · Explore the complete monologue library →
Try a scene with two characters
A monologue gives you one character to rehearse. To hear CueRoom read a scene partner, try The Last Train. Choose Maya or Jules and let the recorded reader play the other role.
Ready to rehearse your own scripts?
Keep practicing this original piece free. When you want to bring your own permitted material, choose reader voices and keep a personal script library, explore the full CueRoom app.
Choosing for a limited performance slot? Compare this 195-word piece with the other short monologue selections, then time your own complete take with the pauses you need.
Compare this original with the other contemporary monologue selections, with comic and dramatic situations and guidance on audition source requirements.