Tone: Polite frustration
Suggested performers: Adults and young adults; any gender
Length: 146 words; approximately 45–75 seconds
Format: one speaker addressing a silent listener
Timing is a starting estimate, not a guaranteed audition length. Time your own delivery with pauses. This is an original standalone piece, not an extract from a published play.
Self-Checkout Needs a Manager: full monologue
Could you tell it I'm allowed to be here? It keeps announcing an unexpected item in the bagging area. The item is the bag. I brought it because the sign told me to.
We were getting along until the avocado. I said vegetable. It said fruit. I accepted the correction. I'm perfectly capable of learning in public.
Then it asked how many. One. It said please place the item on the scale. I did. It said remove the item. I did. We've been rehearsing this little dance for six minutes.
I don't want a refund. I want a witness. Every time you walk over, it behaves. The green light comes on. Suddenly I'm a person shouting at a very helpful desk.
Could you stay until I pay? Thank you. And if it asks me to rate my experience, may I put you down as my supervisor?
What is happening in this scene?
A shopper asks an employee to settle a disagreement with a self-checkout machine.
You are speaking to: The store employee who has arrived to clear the checkout warning.
You want: Finish buying one avocado while keeping a little dignity.
The change to explore: You realize the machine has made you behave like an employee asking for help.
Acting choices to try
- What happened immediately before you called the employee over?
- How much of your frustration are you willing to show a person?
- Does the request for a witness change your relationship with the listener?
Keep the employee in one clear place and the machine in another. Tell the story to the employee, using only brief looks at the machine. This gives the speech a relationship rather than a series of complaints.
These are starting points. Try a different intention or pace, and let the response you imagine from your listener affect your next thought. You do not need to copy the recorded delivery.
Rehearse this comedic monologue free in CueRoom
Open the complete piece in CueRoom. Use Practice my lines to hide the words and recall each beat, or Listen to the recording to hear the prepared reading. Prompt plays the current beat when you need help; bookmarks let you return to a difficult transition.
No purchase or sign-in required. The Studio voice is already recorded. Replays, prompts and practice use no Studio credits.
Rehearse Self-Checkout Needs a Manager free →
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Prepare it for an audition or class
Check whether the brief permits original standalone material. Learn the shifts in thought as well as the wording, then time a full take at performance pace. If you need a shorter cut, make the cut before memorizing it; the free demo always rehearses the complete text above.
Use the monologue preparation plan for a short deadline, or try the recall exercises in How to Memorize Lines.
More comedic monologues to explore
- The Plus-One Application — A friend makes an absurdly professional case for being someone's wedding plus-one.
- Please Don't Review the Cabin — The friend who booked a disastrous weekend cabin tries to stop an honest review from exposing their poor choice.
- The Audition Number — an existing teen comedy from the library.
Browse comedic monologues → · Explore the complete monologue library →
Try a scene with two characters
A monologue gives you one character to rehearse. To hear CueRoom read a scene partner, try The Last Train. Choose Maya or Jules and let the recorded reader play the other role.
Explore this open-casting piece alongside named male characters in Monologues for Men, with playing-age guidance and contrasting rehearsal pairs.
Ready to rehearse your own scripts?
Keep practicing this original piece free. When you want to bring your own permitted material, choose reader voices and keep a personal script library, explore the full CueRoom app.
Working to a short time limit? Compare this piece with the one-minute monologue selection, then time your own delivery with pauses. The full text and prerecorded demo stay the same.
Choosing for a limited performance slot? Compare this 146-word piece with the other short monologue selections, then time your own complete take with the pauses you need.
Compare this original with the other contemporary monologue selections, with comic and dramatic situations and guidance on audition source requirements.